Discovering me, through you
by Courtney77
Summary: Rory comes to realize that you can only hold on to something for so long.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so it's been awhile since I have ventured into the fanfic world. My excuse? First year university...'nough said.**

**This will be a mainly a story focusing on Rory and some issues she faces, which I don't think were dealt with enough on the show. However, it is also relationship based..you will see which relationship soon enough. **

**To anyone who has me on their authour list because of my Degrassi stories: I WILL finish _Slow Ride _this summer...even if it kills me. I've had a lot of trouble getting it to come together.**

**For this chapter..it is based around a song, even though I really usually hate that. And, even though I really usually hate Simple Plan. But, it was this song that inspired this story; so, deal with it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls, or the characters. I also do not own the lyrics to this song.**

_I fall asleep by the telephone  
It's 2 O'clock and I'm waiting up alone  
Tell me where have you been?_

Rory sighed, looking over at the alarm clock across the room, she could see that it was 4 30 in the morning. She had fallen asleep on the couch, waiting for Logan to call. Of course, after about two straight months of the same thing she probably should have been used to it. She stretched, sitting up and rubbing her tired eyes. Frowning, she turned the lamp off and shuffled her way over to her (their) bed.

"Surprise, another night alone," she muttered to herself, swaddling herself in the blankets of the large, empty bed.

_I found a note with another name  
You blow a kiss, but it just don't feel the same  
Cause I can feel that you're gone_

"Nooo," she moaned, when the alarm went off at 9 00.

Begrudgingly, she looked over to the left side of the bed, not the least bit surprised to see that Logan hadn't made it in.

"What am I doing?" She sighed, getting out of bed, and making her way to the shower.

Rory had become amazingly good at avoiding conflict in her 21 years on earth. It wasn't as if she didn't know that their relationship was beyond repair; but, rather than having the big blowout of a breakup that she knew they would, she waited until it fizzled.

She knew, without a doubt, that she deserved better.

Well, she actually did doubt that. Granted, no one _really_ deserved to be cheated on; but, she knew she wasn't perfect. She had made plenty of mistakes, even in her relationship with Logan. So, she thought, maybe their problems weren't entirely his fault.

But, there was no denying it anymore.

"_Where are you going?" Rory asked, as Logan rushed to leave their shared apartment. _

"_Just out with the guys," he responded quickly, "I told them I'd be there by now."_

"_Oh, I thought Finn and Colin were still in the Hamptons for the weekend," she replied, not buying his alibi one bit. _

_Logan had been going out a lot for lately, and never with her. She knew that they needed time apart, but this wasn't the same thing. He'd go out, not come home until after 2, if he came home at all, and expect her to believe that he was either out of cell phone reception or he had forgotten to charge his phone before he left. There wasn't a shred of her that didn't believe he was cheating on her._

"_Well, they are...but, I'm not going out with them," he said, trying to cover up his tracks._

"_Who?" She asked, knowing that she was obviously catching him in a lie._

"_Just guys!" He supplied hotly, frustrated that Rory was questioning his motives. "Honestly, Rory (it didn't slip by her that he wasn't calling her Ace anymore), what does it matter which guys I'm going out with?"_

"_I'm not saying it matters which guys," she replied equally as hot. "I was just curious. You seem to go out a lot lately, and you never invite me anymore. I just think it's odd, considering we seem to have the same crowd now."_

"_Listen, Ror," he said, changing his tone, "nothing is up. I promise. It's just that, with graduation around the corner, I just need some time to be foolish with the guys, you know?"_

_She sighed, not believing a word that he had just said, but not wanting to fight at the moment. "Yeah, I get it."_

_He gave her a smile, "I'll be back by one, I promise," he said, walking over and giving her a quick kiss. _

"_Okay, I'll be up," she told him as he left the apartment. She frowned, turning away from the door. She knew three things: (1) He wouldn't be home by the time he said he would be (2) He wasn't going out with the "guys" and (3) She didn't feel anything in the kiss they had shared._

_I can't bite my tongue forever  
While you try to play it cool  
You can hide behind your stories  
But don't take me for a fool_

The door to the apartment opened just before she was about to enter the bathroom.

"Rory?" Logan called, walking into the their shared home.

She sighed, turning around, waiting to hear what he would have to say this time. "Hey, where did you go?"

He smiled apologetically, placing his coat on the coat rack she was standing near. "Ror, I'm so sorry I didn't call..."

"It's not the first time," she said, cutting him off.

He continued, as if he hadn't heard her comment, "I was just gonna go for a few drinks with Finn and Colin, keep it low-key, you know? Well, Finn decided to have a major party at his parents place, since their still visiting his sister in Sydney. It ended up getting pretty wild...I think you missed the best re-enactment of Passion of the Christ that Finn has done up to date!"

"Sounds fun, why didn't you call? I haven't seen the guys forever."

"I didn't think you'd be up for it. You seemed kinda tired when I left," he replied. She frowned, turning away and walking towards the bathroom. "Where are you going?"

"To shower," she replied curtly.

_You can tell me that there's nobody else (But I feel it)  
You can tell me that you're home by yourself  
(But I see it)  
You can look into my eyes and pretend all you want  
But I know  
Your love is just a lie  
(Lie)  
It's nothing but a lie  
(Lie)_

She turned on the water, letting it run over her face. She couldn't do it anymore. She didn't even know why she was still doing it. Their entire relationship was one big lie. They didn't love each another anymore; and, they were both putting on a fake imitation of what they thought the other one expected of them.

She knew there was someone else; well, knowing Logan, it could easily be more than just one other girl. It was frustrating, knowing that everything she thought about Logan before they had begun dating turned out to be just as she had imagined. Logan Huntzberger could not do monogamy. He had told her that he couldn't be a boyfriend, she said she didn't want one. Then, she realized that she did, and eventually he told her that he could do it for her. And, to his credit, he did do it for longer than anyone, other than Rory, thought he could. Rory thought that he would change. She thought that she could be that change. It had taken this long for her to realized that she couldn't change him.

Granted, it wasn't just his male needs that had taken him away from Rory and into the arms of another women. She knew that she was changing too. She had met Logan, and fallen into his world. Throughout their entire relationship Rory had been an entirely different person, and everyone she knew could see that. She got pulled into the world which her mother had fought so hard to keep her out of. She was reckless, fun, carefree. But, that wasn't Rory.

It had taken a visit from an old friend, an old boyfriend rather, to snap her out of the daze she had been in. Jess had made her see that she was living a lie. She wasn't the person she had become. It was hard for Logan to accept that. He only knew one Rory, and it wasn't the one she was proclaiming to be.

She knew that she put a great deal of blame on Logan's shoulders. She blamed him for the person she had become, for the things that she had done. She also knew that the blame didn't all lie with him. Regardless, it had put a lot of strain on their relationship.

_You look so innocent  
But the guilt in your voice gives you away  
Yeah you know what I mean  
How does it feel when you kiss when you know that I trust you  
And do you think about me when you fuck her?  
Could you be more obscene?_

"Ror?" Logan called, knocking on the bathroom door, and entering.

"What do you want Logan?"

"Well, you just ran out of the living room," he replied, walking towards the shower. He stood next to her, talking through the curtain. "Is everything okay?"

She sighed, "Hand me a towel," she told him, reaching her hand out. He passed her the towel, she turned off the water, wrapped herself up, and stepped out. "We need to talk."

"Right now?" He asked. "I was going to grab some sleep before brunch with my dad."

"No," she replied, looking straight into his eyes, while brushing the wet hair out of her face. "No, we need to talk now...I've already put it off for too long."

Frowning, he nodded, "I'll let you get dressed."

He left the bathroom, and Rory went to the bedroom, grabbing an old sweater and a pair of jeans. She threw them on quickly, walking to meet Logan who was now sitting on the couch, looking her way.

"Listen, Rory, I'm sorry I didn't call."

She sighed, sitting down in the armchair across from him. "It isn't just about you not calling, Logan."

"Then what?" He asked, frustrated.

"Who is she?" Rory asked, her voice cracking. She looked directly at him, her eyes getting watery.

He looked away, and then back again. "What are you talking about?"

She shook her head, not willing to play the game anymore. "Logan, I'm not stupid..."

"I know you're not," he replied.

"Then how can you possibly expect me to believe that this isn't what it seems?"

"How does it seem?" He asked, playing the innocent card. "I know that I've been out a lot lately; but, I told you, I just need some time away."

"Logan!" She exclaimed, even surprising herself. "I know that this is about more than just your need to 'get way'. You're distant, you're never around, we barely even talk anymore...how can you expect me to believe that this is just about you graduating. How can you expect me to believe that this isn't actually about us?"

"Rory..." he sighed, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands.

"No, Logan. You can't get out of this one. I'm tired of pretending that I believe what you're telling me. I just want to know the truth, I think I deserve at least that."

"It isn't..."

"Yes it is," she sighed, shaking her head. "It's exactly what I think it is, Logan. I don't get it. I mean, I trusted you!" She yelled, standing up. She couldn't listen to him lie anymore; she had already put up with it longer than she should have. "I gave up so much for you! I became someone else for you," she cried, walking away, towards the window.

He stood up, walking towards her. "I never asked you to be someone other than who you are, Rory. I never asked or told you to change who you were, or to give up anything."

"No, but I think that it's implied..."

"Haven't we had this conversation already?" He asked. "I don't understand why we keep coming back to this!" He exclaimed, raising his arms in the air in defeat. "You can be whoever you want to be," he told her, "I don't care. Just be you."

She smiled slightly, "You don't get it, do you...I can't be me...not if I'm still living here. Not if I'm still immersed in this lifestyle."

"Fine," he sighed angrily, "go do whatever you seem to think it is you need to do to be yourself. But, just so you know, this is you. You accepted the lifestyle. You've embraced it. And then, all of a sudden, you decide that you're too good for it? People change, Rory. I don't see how you expect to stay the person you were in high school, the person you were in Stars Hollow."

"I'm not looking to be the person I was in high school. I'm just looking to be who I am. And, I'm not like you. I'm not like this."

"Okay, then leave. That's what you're telling me, isn't? That you need to leave, so that you can be you?!" He asked, his face full of anger and frustration.

She matched him in those emotions, yelling back, "You honestly think that's why I'm leaving?!"

"Well, isn't that what you're saying?"

"This isn't just about me, Logan. It's about you! You can't be a boyfriend, not now, not to me."

"Then what have I been doing for the last year and a half, Rory? You asked me to be with you, and only you, and that's what I did! That's what I've been doing!"

"Will you just tell the truth!" She yelled, frustrated that he was still avoiding the elephant that was now barging through the door, running in between them.

He sighed, running his hands through his disheveled hair in defeat. "Her name is Melody."

She bit her lip, trying to hold back her tears, which weren't willing to be held back any longer. "How long?"

"About a month and a half," he told her, looking completely defeated, and as destroyed as she did.

_So don't try to say you're sorry  
Or try to make it right  
Don't waste your breath because it's too late, it's too late._

She walked away, wiping her eyes off with the sleeve of her sweater. She had known what was going on, but hearing him admit it was something else altogether.

"Rory, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you...it just sort of happened."

"A one night stand 'just happens', Logan. A month and a half _relationship_ does not just happen."

"It's not a relationship," he told her, walking closer, trying to end the distance she was physically putting between them. "Rory...Ace...I love you. You _have _to know that."

She shook her head, "I don't know that, Logan. I haven't known that, not for awhile now."

"Listen, Rory, I'm so sorry. I never meant for it to go so far. I've just has so much pressure on me lately from my dad; and then all this added pressure of keeping you happy. The seriousness of our relationship, and the thought that, maybe, marriage was possible...it just...it put so much pressure on me. I acted out. I shouldn't have."

"Logan!" Rory exclaimed, brushing her hair back with frustration, "Are you even listening to yourself? How can you even begin to say that you have been cheating on me for over a month because of the pressure I put on you?"

"Not you! Just this relationship..."

"I'm not so sure that makes it any better, Logan!"

"Rory, I love you. I love you so much. I will end this with Melody. I want you..."

"It isn't enough...not this time," she told him, walking towards the bedroom, planning to pack some of her things away.

"So what are you saying?" He asked, looking thoroughly devastated.

It wasn't as if she thought Logan had no feelings for her whatsoever, because she knew that just wasn't true. However, she wasn't sure that the feeling was love anymore. As screwed up as their relationship had been the last few months, she knew that what they had was, usually, pretty comfortable. This was especially true for Logan.

Having not had a loving home growing up, and never having had a serious relationship, the comfort of having Rory around was enormous. He depended on this comfort, it was a security blanket. It wasn't so much passion and love anymore. He didn't need Rory because he was madly in love and couldn't ever see himself with another woman–seeing as how he'd already taken care of that–he needed her because, without her, he didn't really have anyone.

Rory turned around, "I'm saying that I can't do this anymore, Logan. I'm saying that this is over..."

"All because of one mistake?!" He exclaimed.

"It's not all about one little mistake, Logan! It's not even all about you cheating..."

"Then what the hell is it about?!"

"We don't click anymore. There is no more passion, no more lusting after one another, we barely talk, there is no trust...and, we're two very different people. I can't force this anymore, Logan. It isn't fair to me, and it isn't fair to you."

He frowned, the look he was giving her was a fair mixture of regret, anger, and loss. "I'm sorry..."

She turned away, not wanting him to see the tears she was trying to fight back. Although she felt relieved that this charade of a relationship--of a lifestyle-- would be over, it was hard to simply walk away. It had been her first "adult" relationship, and it wasn't as easy to walk away from as she had imagined it would be. Logan had brought a lot out of her, granted some of these things were not her finest qualities; but, even she could not deny that he has made her more carefree and adventurous. She had let go of the shy and overly cautious Rory for a more outgoing and spontaneous one. That wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

"Logan..it's just not there anymore. You can't deny it...it just isn't the same. It isn't worth clinging to anymore."

He nodded, knowing that what she was saying was true. "I know."

"Okay, so how do we do this?" She asked, choking back the tears that were no longer hidden.

"What do you mean?"

"How...how do I move out?"

"I can spend a couple of days with Colin and Finn," he told her. "It'll give you time to pack everything up and move it out." She nodded, agreeing with the plan. "I can get the guys to help you move the stuff out, I know your mom works during the week..."

She nodded again, not letting his act of kindness go unnoticed. Despite all of his many faults, Logan had a kind and giving side to him that many didn't get to see. "Thanks."

"Yeah," he said, shrugging it off sadly, "no problem. Just let me pack up some stuff and I can get out of here," he told her walking towards their (his) bedroom.

She went to sit on the couch, waiting for him to be done. She turned on the tv, trying her best to ignore the fact that Logan was leaving for good, that they were officially done. While she was indeed crying, it wasn't because she didn't want their relationship to end, it was more because she was shocked that it actually was ended. A chapter of her life would soon be over.

Logan came out of the bedroom with a small black duffel bag. "I guess I'll get going..." he told her, his eyes red. He was visibly quite shaken, knowing that their relationship was over; and, that he had many chances in the past to have saved it.

She turned off the tv, and stood up. They stood looking at each other, both of them unsure what was supposed to happen next. She gave him a small smile, "I hope everything goes well...with next year and business and everything." Leave it to Rory to induce small talk to ease any sort of uncomfortable tension.

He nodded, "Thanks. I'll be sure to still put in a good word for you with every newspaper I talk to."

"I appreciate it," she told him, giving him another smile.

"I'm sorry...again," he told her, swallowing hard.

"Yeah, me too," she replied.

"Can I at least get a friendly hug goodbye?" He asked moving closer to her. She moved towards him, extending her arms around his shoulders. "Take care, Ace," he whispered in her ear. She nodded crying softly. He shrugged her off gently, and turned away to leave the apartment.

Rory Gilmore and Logan Huntzberger were officially over.


	2. Author's Note

Hey everyone. First off, I really want to apologize for starting this story and then doing nothing with it. However, the summer is coming up and I'd like to restart it. One big issue though...I'm a HUGE relationship flip-flopper. This story has already (in my head) been a Rogan, Literati, Trory, and a PDLD. How is that possible?! Anyway, if anyone would like me to continue I might need some help in guiding the story a bit. Thanks! So feedback, and then we'll see where this is going!


End file.
